THAT MOTHERFUCKER ON COLFAX

THAT MOTHERFUCKER ON COLFAX

I was having a great day. I got to be out in nie on 100 degree weather, but I wasn’t in the office. I call my manager kind of dude, and I tell him, “Look, I finished the survey a bit ago and now I’m stuck in traffic. I might not be back to the office until 4:30pm”.

“Nice one. Why don’t you just call it off.”

“Yeah, if it’s cool that I have the company car, I’ll just do that.”

It’s not an issue, I get home at 4’clock. Awesome. Although, I only have 2 cigarettes left. A-HA! I have a coupon for a pack, for $3. BOOOOOM. Wait, I’m broke. I search around for money for a bit, and then say fuck it, I’ll put it on my credit card. I put on my jacket, even though it’s still 86 degrees outside. What’s this in my left breast pocket? $5?!?!?!?! Problem solved. I have enough to get the smokes. WHAT? Another surprise in my right breast pocket?!?!?!?!? A BUTTERFINGER FUN SIZE! *see video below* I’m on my way!

(video posted for proof)

I walk out of my apartment with a grin on my face. What should I queue up for this lovely walk to the 7-11 - where I know they will honor these coupons? I thought about this ... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdEvuQE6t5c

El Orfanato (aka The Orphanage)

I just watched The Orphanage and well, YOU SHOULD WATCH IT! Granted people are not really into the horror / foreign / ghostly / mystery / drama films. I know a number of folks that would probably sit down to watch the film and be turned off by subtitles. Well, come to think of it, I don't really know a lot of those people. The reason why I don't know a lot of those people is because I think they lack the attention span and they probably don't read anyway. IF I WAS GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH SUBTITLES I WOULD JUST READ A BOOK! Dumbshits.

Now when it comes to horror, yes I love it. I love every genre of film really. I really think that most of the people that cringe at horror films probably haven't seen any of the good ones. The ones that aren't really all that horrific but more tragic. This movie is a little of both. I mean at times I cringed but that is just because when I see someone tear their fingernail off after getting it smashed in a door, well I simply cringe. Much like the bottle that is drilled in that dude's face in Pan's Labyrinth. Christ, that was horrific.

Now, this is not Gore Porn. The Orphanage is simply a very well done ghost story and like most well done ghost stories they involve a lot of mystery. It is very delicate in its pace and you really begin to feel for the main character, Laura. Laura is an orphan. She decides to buy the orphanage that she was raised in her youth and dedicate her life to helping children of her same ilk. And, she brings her family along. Her husband and (SPOILER!) her adopted son that is sick with HIV. Her son goes missing and here starts the spooky shit.

So there you have the basic plot. But you don't have the beauty yet. The beauty lies in the excellent foreshadowed screenplay. This is a film that has hints but not that of The Sixth Sense or The Others and things of that caliber. Everything is slight. When the story unfolds, you feel it. I felt these characters, especially Laura. Belén Rueda's performance is just really really good. In fact, everyone was pretty spot on. Add to that a creepy (in a beautiful way) old orphanage on the edge of the sea with a camera that glides through it. Pretty badass.

Anyway, here's a trailer ...



I give El Orfanato 4 Netflix stars for being fantastically thrilling but with tons of heart. At the end, I cried like a little girl. Thanks to Juan Antonio Bayona for a great directorial debut and Sergio G. Sánchez for a great script.

The Road Not Taken

Ladies and gentleman, thanks to mi hermano Charile and his sharing of the internet link AOL 12 Year Old, I bring you Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken as told by chatty teenage girl. Drum roll please ...


TWO ROADS DIEVRGED IN A Y3LOW WOD
AND SORY I CUD NOT TRAEVL BOTH
AND B ONE TRAEVLER LONG I S2D
AND LOK3D DOWN ONE AS FAR AS I CUD
2 WHER3 IT BNT IN DA UNDERGROWTH

TH3N 2K DA OTH3R AS JUST AS FARE
AND HAVNG P3RHAPS TEH BT3R B/C IT WAS GRASY AND WANTED WEAR
THOUGH AS FOR TAHT TEH PASNG TH3RA
HAD WORN THEM RILLY ABOUT DA SM3

AND BOTH TAHT MORNNG 3QUALY LAY
IN LEAEVS NO ST3P HAD TROD3N BLAK
O!!!!11!! LOL I KEPT DA FIRST FOR ANOTHER DAY
YAT!11!!1!!! KNOWNG HOW WAY L3ADS ON 2 WAY
I DOUBTAD IF I SHUD AVER COME BAK !11!!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL

I SHAL B T3LNG THES WIT A SIGH
SOM3WHERE AEGS AND AEGS HENCA
TWO ROADS DIEVRGED IN A WOD AND I—
I 2K TEH ON3 LES TRAEVLED BY
AND TAHT HAS MAED AL DA DIF3RANC3 !!1!11! LOL

Thank you.

Kidnapped (aka Rabid Dogs)

This is the first film I have seen by director Mario Bava and I liked it fair enough. It was well acted and scripted and the camera work was good. I enjoyed the story but thought it was a bit dull half way through. They drive around the country side A LOT. If you can make it past the the slow middle of the movie, the ending definitely pays off. I had a fishy feeling all the way through the movie but I'll have to admit, I was surprised. At any rate, I will have to say that this is a great Italian suspense film.

Here's a trailer ...



I GIVE RABID DOGS 3 NETFLIX STARS. WHILE I ENJOYED IT, ALL THE DRIVING AROUND GETS A BIT MADDENING.

THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY

Fuck Guy Ritchie. He is a dumb shit that apparently took queues from John Mackenzie. Things that should be known about this movie is:

1.) Bob Hoskins performance is incredible. I am scared of him and rightly everyone should be. But what if there is an empire that is falling under his feet? Good fuckin god. Watch the fuck out for the acting by this man.
2.) Helen Mirren. Good jesus, is she hot. She will always be sooo hot to me. Mostly, she is incredibly talented and she is fucking sweet in this film.
3.) The fuck-on goddamn shot structures. Holy brother, Mackenzie knows what he is doing. First you dolly on me and then you beautify with some nutty other shit. I love it. Cult fiction film making at its best.

Another dead on achievement by another great film maker that time has passed by. We should all know the works of these cult fiction folks and realise their higher court in the cinema that we appreciate and love today.

I give THE LONG GOOD FRIDAY 4 OUT OF 5 NETFLIX STARS FOR BEING INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT IN ITS DEPICTION OF CRIME IN BRITAIN AS WELL AS BRINGING A DOMINANT PLAYER IN GANGSTER FILM. CHEERS YOU WELLY KNOT OF A SILLY FUCKER.

Trailer you damn cockfuck assblowing fucktard ...

THE QUIET EARTH

This movie is awesome on so many levels. It's one of those last man on Earth sort of films. The Omega Man always comes to mind when I think of last man on Earth stories. I love The Omega Man but I can see how people would find the mutant zombie junk a little retarded, that is unless you are like me and want that sort of thing in a movie.
Anyway, The Quiet Earth does not have mutants, zombies, monsters or other sorts of things to get in the way of solitude. Unless another human counts.
The first half an hour of this film is completely badass. There is little to no dialog given that there is only one person left on the Earth. Bruno Lawrence delivers up a sweet performance as our last man. Apparently Bruno was a womanizer, heavy drinker and smoker and his life style left him dead at 50 years of age. While that stinks, he does not in this movie.
Three scenes to watch for and that make this movie baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd meaning good:
1.) Dictator scene.
2.) Church scene.
3.) Rebirth.
The only qualm I had with the film really is - um, what happened? I am still left questioning the ending of the film. I have been piecing some theories together but whatever theory anyone comes to is probably right to them. Sometimes I am happy to be left with that puzzle. After mulling it over a bit after I saw this film, I nerded out and started watching it with the commentary by writer/producer Sam Pillsbury. I watched it for the first act and then grew tired and went to bed. Some good insights but still no keys to the puzzle.
At any rate, ultimately this is a movie that has hope. When there is close to nothing left on the planet will you treat a survivor like that of the other films we have seen? Shoot'em and protect your little piece of turf? Or will you find solace in the fact that you are not alone. To me, the characters actions were a little more believable than movies like The Omega Man and the I Am Legend's out there.

Trailer? Yes, yes let's see one.



I thouroughly enjoyed this movie and I am still puzzling through my interpretation of it. I give the film 4 Netflix stars. Thumbs up to Geoff Murphy and the rest of the crew involved!

OH GODAMMIT

Holy crap I'm not messing around. I'm gonna go all Stuart Gordon / Harry Knowles / Chop-socky boot camp. And I'm going to try my best to document the affects and thoughts that are busting from my twisted melted psyche here. At any rate, it's going to be goddamn awesome and you can read about what I am watching if you give a crap. It's going to be my education of sorts into the land of the overlooked and often underrated films of the past.
Get ready for tons of Russian-split cock-punches, slashed-up teens, anger-fueled car chases, insane british gang-slangs, and probably a Kris Kristofferson film in there too.
In between and along the way, I'm sure there will be some newer movies in there that I just have to see, but for the most part 90% of the movies I'm gonna stumble through are going to be made before 1990.
I'm so excited I'm gonna go honk.

The Sun Also Rises

Well, I finally finished this and I will have to say that it was pretty ok. I finally understand why people think he is a great writer. What really got me was the "fill in the gaps" style he has. Conversations aren't fully flushed and this leaves you to put in your own idea of what is said in the pauses. In fact, he does this throughout most of the book regardless if it be a moment of dialogue or not. In that way, he is a brilliant writer. The subject matter was ok. His love for Spanish culture shown through and that was neat. As far as a generational novel, it was pretty good. Someone had said (I can't remember who it was) to Hemingway that their generation's (that of Hemingway's preceder) time had gone, it's sun had set. In a moment, his book was probably already written.
I think reading an older, used trade paperback copy of the book kind of romanticized it a little more than normal but that's how I like it. At any rate, I'm not and haven't ever really been the biggest fan of Hemingway. I thought I would give his work another shot now that I am a bit older and yes, I do think I get it now. Does it make me a die hard? Not really, but I am understanding the fascination.

Damn kids (shakes fist)

I went to get some tacos at my lunch break and on the way back to work I saw the sign and it opened up my mind. It didn't register at first and then - oh you jokester.

huh

I saw this documentary on Hank Williams (yes, one of the greatest singer-songwriters ever) and I saw this picture with him without his cowboy hat. Well gosh dang it, it looks as if he lost his hair at around 26 or so (he only lived to be 29). Makes me think that that is why I lost my hair. Drinking and smoking and wearing hats.

Then, he went and had his "Luke the Drifter" phase. Hank went on and started recording these so called "sermons" that were under the pseudonym "Luke the Drifter". Dang, that ole boy was good.

Weird thing is, I always thought that if I had a boy - I would name him Henry.